Ringtones
by Lucky Bee-otch
Summary: The Autobots find out what Mikaela REALLY thinks about them, some of the Decepticons too. Technically a song fic, but not really. Some vaguely interconnected one-shots. Rated T for future swearing.
1. Chapter 1

Co- written by: Lucky Bee-otch (Formerly Tigress817) and Little Kisa (Formerly Rosalina Archais)

Disclaimer: We own nothing. Transformers and characters are owned by Hasbro, not us. Sadly.

Warnings: None. Unless you include attempted murder…

"Hey Sunstreaker?" I ask casually.

"What do you want fleshie?" He looks over at her, annoyed at being bothered.

I hesitate slightly, hoping this isn't a long shot "Will you help me find my phone? I lost it half an hour ago, and I've looked everywhere but can't seem to find it."

He crosses his arms feigning contemplation. "No." Then goes back to inspecting his bipedal form for dents, dirt, and debris.

"Please?" I pause thinking of a bribe to offer, "I won't bother you for twenty-four consecutive hours, if you help."

"Why can't the other squishies help you?" He looks intently at what he thinks is a large chip in his paint. It's not, but he gently rubs it with a cloth anyways.

"Sam's not even here today, he's busy with a term paper, Will's out on a mission with Robbie, and I don't know any of the others well enough to bother them while they're working. Plus humans don't have built-in sensors."

He smirks. "A wash."

"What?" I ask, confused at where that came from.

"I want a wash," he repeats himself, even more annoyed. "And a full-body wax for my aid."

"Deal. Thank you!" I exclaim, excited that my phone will be found soon.

He looks around the room a few moments. A blue beam shoots out from his optics, focusing on the hard to reach -for humans- places. He sighs, thinking about how menial the task is, but the reward is most certainly worth it. Against his better judgement, he decides to stop being lazy, and scan the back of the bunker with his optics in a half assed way. "There's nothing there."

I look at him unamused. "You're so funny. You know, I might just do the same thing to you. Spray you with cold, dirty hose water. Maybe afterwards I'll pour on some wax, leaving streaks and spots all over your pretty paint job and walk away."

He inhales sharply, optics narrowing slightly. "You wouldn't dare."

I pat him on the arm condescendingly. "Okay. Now are you going to continue helping me or not?"

He pulls his arm away disgusted. "Fine. But you'd better make sure I look absolutely perfect."

"Not even a make-over could make that happen, but whatever you say Sunshine"

He looks affronted, like no one had ever called him ugly before. "What did you just say to me?" He asks with a fiery gleam in his eye.

"Nothing." I rush, "Moving on."

Sunstreaker looks at me for a moment, contemplating whether or not he should be offended, but decides to drop it. He re- scans the bunker, trying harder this time -including the area under Sideswipe- to no avail. "It's not here fleshie."

"Did you look under Sideswipe?" I ask, bewildered

Sideswipe looks up curiously. "You mentioned me, Mikaela?"

"It's nothing Sides, go back to whatever it was you were doing." I say dismissing him.

He pouts as he continues pacing in pointless rectangles around the room, avoiding Sunstreaker as he passes. "Why don't you try calling it if you can't find it?"

"That's an idea." I say, wondering why I hadn't thought of it.

"Uhhh, fine. Last try though. If this doesn't work, I'm done." Sunstreaker says pointedly.

"Fine. Just do it." I agreed.

He pauses, and proceeds to call my phone. All of a sudden from my purse we hear? " _Look at you, getting more than just a re-up, baby you got all the puppets with their strings up fakin' like a good one but I call 'em like I see 'em I know what you are, what you are baby. Womanizer Woman-Womanizer you're a Womanizer oh Womanizer oh you're a Womanizer baby, you-you-you are you-you-you are Womanizer Womanizer Womanizer (Womanizer) Boy don't try to front I-I know just-just what you a-a-are…"_ ?

The room freezes, and Sunstreaker slowly turns his head towards me. "What was THAT?!"

Sideswipe starts laughing so hard, he falls over with a loud crash.

"Oh. oops. I guess it was in my purse the whole time. Not to mention that, that song matches you so perfectly that it just _had_ to be your ringtone. Don't worry some of the others are more embarrassing."

Sunny gets up and walks towards me, all the while looking like he would like nothing more than to flatten me like a pancake with his pede. "Squishy, I swear to Primus that if you don't change that right now, I will flatten you!"

"Not on your life!" I yell, and start running towards the fallen -and now rolling around- mech. "Sides! Protect me!"

He chuckles, asking: "What's in it for me?"

"The blackmail I'm currently providing you with isn't enough?"

Sunstreaker starts to chase me around the bunker, picking up speed.

"Nope. That's just free entertainment. Besides, he wouldn't really. Optimus would never allow it."

At this point, I'm barely avoiding Sunny's rampaging feet, and panic starts to overtake my humor. "One freebie!" I yell.

"Terms?" Sides asks

Panicking for real now, I yell "Nothing sexual, or permanently harmful. It also cannot last for more than twenty- four hours"

"Deal" immediately after saying this, Sides gets up and restrains Sunny. "Run. I won't be able to hold him for long. Optimus and Bee are your best bets for protection."

I sprint to the door leading outside, hoping that one of them would be out there. As soon as my eyes adjust to the light, I see Bee laying in the shade the building provides. I jet towards him yelling, "Bee! Protect me!"

He gets up quickly, unsheathing his gun, looking for the oncoming threat. " _Whats...happening?"_ He asks worried, using snippets from the radio.

"Sunstreakers after me!"

He seemed confused. " _Why?_ "

"I had him help me find my phone in exchange for a wash and wax. It turns out it was in my purse the whole time," I explain sheepishly.

" _That wouldn't make him mad… enough... to chase you"_

I scuff the ground with my shoe. "I may have also _sethisringtonetowomanizer_ "

" _Come again?_ "

I speak clearer this time."I set his ringtone to the Brittney Spears song "Womanizer"."

We hear a crash, and I turn around. Sunstreaker had just blown through the garage type door that is used for the autobot's entry, breaking it.

" **MIKAELA!"**

I originally had this idea driving to work after reading the fanfic "Move Along" By Faythren. The song "Womanizer" By Britney Spears came up as I was at a stoplight and this plot bunny just plopped out. It spawned this whole thing. As I started typing I called my bestie in to help, and we managed to pop this sucker out in just a few hours. I plan to do one for each of the Autobots, and maybe even a few of the Decepticons too.

Now. I need sleep, and if you found this at 3 am, you do too.

Night.


	2. Chapter 2

' _It's so hot in here'_ looking around, I wondered how anyone could stand it. Then again, all the people around me are military, and are probably trained to withstand worse. Sighing, I got up and left the room. Heading towards my temporary bunk in the women's barracks, I grab a light tank top and switch shirts.

As I wandered back into the Rec room, I heard Will yell "Foul! Cheat! How is that even possible?"

"Yeah, Man. That ain't cool." Epps joined in, looking over towards Jazz who had a sly look on his faceplates.

"Ya jus' don understand how a masta plays" Jazz drawled, looking proud of himself.

' _Boys'_ They were so focused on the game on the T.V. monitor that I doubt they noticed me come back in. Plopping down on one of the adjacent couches, I ask "What's going on guys?"

"Watching Jazz blatantly cheat, apparently. I mean you guys are literally giant supercomputers! Couldn't you have made it a bit more realistic?" Epps was trying to look offended, but he really just looked amused.

" Where's tha fun in that?"

I felt my phone start to buzz. _? "I'm bringing sexy back, (Yeah) them other boys don't know how to act. (Yeah) I think it's special what's behind your back, (Yeah) So turn around and I'll pick up the slack, (Yeah) Take em to the bridge-" ?_ I answered.

"Yeah? Mmhm. Mmhm. Yeah, okay. Be right there Prowl. Okay. Bye." looking up, I see everyone, frozen- staring at me. "What? Is something wrong?"

"THAT'S Prowl's ringtone?" Will asked, looking shocked.

Standing and heading towards the door, I look over my shoulder and say "What's not to like about a man in uniform?"

Okay. So I am really not good at updating anything, this was kinda a happy accident. I was going through my google docs and saw this as a pre- formed idea and it flew right outta mah fingahs.


End file.
